In Brief
– Research shows we are having less sex than ever before and this could be because we’re too shy to talk about it.
– some of the sex questions that people are too afraid to ask in public includes; How do I ask my partner for what I need in bed, I’m nervous about having sex with someone new. What should I do?, How can I get that spark back when I’m bored with my sex life and How do I ease my performance anxiety? They’re so good at it in the movies!
Research shows we are having less sex than ever before – and Vena Ramphal, sex therapist and star of TV show Seven Year Switch, believes that could be because we’re too shy to talk about it.
The relationship coach says: “There’s a real lack of courage when it comes to conversations about sex.”
So whether you secretly want to reignite that spark or try something new in bed, Vena reveals the answers to everything you are too afraid to ask.
How do I ask my partner for what I need in bed
We’re often taught to put other people’s needs before our own, but this isn’t good practice when it comes to sex.
The truth is, if you speak up about what you want, everyone benefits. If you’re having a good time in bed, then your partner will too.
Start the conversation when you’re in bed together. Use matter-of-fact words but be explicit about what you want.
I’m nervous about having sex with someone new. What should I do?
there’s no need to wait to have sex if you don’t want to. You’ve earned the right to not waste your time, so go and get what you want. But remember to be safe and use protection.
Technology has definitely changed the dating scene and online dating is very popular.
How can I get that spark back when I’m bored with my sex life
It’s likely you’ve slipped into a routine, which is comfortable, but not sexy. Schedule a sex date.
If you think back to when you first started dating, you probably spent ages getting ready, dressing up and really making an effort.
So get back into that mindset. Organise a date and prep like you’re newly in love.
Use it as an excuse to try something different – a new position or sex at an unusual time of day.
My partner doesn’t feel sexy. How can I help?
Say how much you love your partner and their new body. Be specific about what you like and what you find sexy. It doesn’t have to only be what turns you on, but what they bring to the relationship too.
Even seemingly mundane things, like remembering your favourite flowers, are important.
When it comes to sex, tell your partner the things you like that they do. It will boost confidence in the way they’re performing. If you find your loved one doesn’t want to have sex with the lights on, try candles and low lighting.
How do I ease my performance anxiety? They’re so good at it in the movies!
Remember that movie sex is fake sex. There’s nothing real about it.
But because there is so much sex on our screens, and so much pornography available online, it’s easy to end up comparing yourself to what you watch.
My advice is to go back to basics and back to your body. What feels good?
Work on your technique – how you touch and how you kiss. If you’re not confident, be reassured that these are skills you can improve.
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